Kane and able

Cristiano Ronaldo (the version that strolls around the pitch these days) reminds me of my time playing football. I’d contribute next to nothing for the whole game, the odd flick here or there, notoriously didn’t get my kit dirty, then score a penalty and give the impression I’d saved the game for my team. That’s where the comparison ends, as invariably my Sunday morning manager would have hauled me off well before squad rotation became a thing. My retirement came as an unused sub when, during a pre season friendly when we were losing 10-0 at halftime, I still didn’t get on. I’m sure that ignominy will never impact Ronaldo, and I’m sure he’d not shelled out 20 quid for a babysitter to just sit on the bench. And his retirement (when it comes probably sooner than later) will probably get more international acclaim than the shrug I got from Big Trev, our manager.

This week has seen further endorsement that Harry Kane is the best striker England has ever had. His numbers are off the charts, but as a pure number 9 (yes, that’s still the only acceptable use of a number to define a position except potentially a ‘number 1’ for a goalkeeper) he has no challengers for me. Cases can be made for Rooney as a better all round footballer, Gascoigne in his pomp (but injury through his folly curtailed his powers) and Bobby Charlton for what he won and his legacy. Bobby Moore (World Cup winning captain) and Kevin Keegan (2 times Ballon D’or winner and one time Brut sparring partner with Henry Cooper) both deserve mentions for being iconic footballers, but Kane is out there on his own as a striker. He delivers when it matters most, and for all the nervousness around altitude affecting England at the Azteca Stadium in Mexico City in the early hours of Monday morning, you can be sure the Mexican defenders will also have nerves about giving Kane the slightest sniff around goal.

Tuchel’s pragmatic and methodical approach has caused much debate. I’m surprised as when he was appointed that’s exactly what the public and press knew he was brought in to do. ‘Sod the style just give us the best chance to win’. Now we’re progressing with (at best) stuttering performances, it seems to be forgotten that’s what we asked for. ‘Southgate with a bit of elite club management nous’ was how his appointment was heralded, and anyone who watched any of Tuchel’s elite teams would have told you it’s a slow burn. In the meantime England’s wide players seem to be involved in their own competition to see who can be the shittest as they get rotated. How frustrating must it be to be a striker in the modern game having to continually make runs and then re-runs as the wide players constantly recycle the ball over and over again. Which makes Kane and Harland’s numbers even more remarkable. Imagine if they had decent service as well?!

The subject of penalties is once again front and centre. England (Harry Kane) and the Belgians versus Senegal. How many times do we see pundits forever debating whether it’s a ‘pen’ or not?! It’s simply a question of whether it’s a foul or not. And then, if it’s in the penalty area, that foul is sanctioned with a penalty kick. It isn’t complicated. Imagine that challenge anywhere else on the pitch. Yet it seems that the whole media (and officials) seem to apply a different standard to fouls in the penalty area. The jeopardy of making that (foul) challenge in the penalty area is the penalty. Annoying.

Penalties will certainly be highlighted again as the competition progresses. The hopping, pausing and stuttering drives me mad. Nothing looks worse than a lame penalty. I always refer to Julian Dicks, Alan Shearer, Matt Le Tissier etc and how they never gave the goalkeeper a sniff. No prancing around or trying to make the keeper look foolish. And I know you’re wondering. I was a top left hand corner man. Right foot. No messing. Top bins as the kids say. Never missed one in 20 years.

I’ve seen some pundits moaning about the amount of travel they are having to do with the World Cup being spread around. And Gary Neville suggesting that having the sun on his back as his punditry position overlooked New York was ‘so hard as it was so hot’ made me wonder how he’d cope in an Asian sweat shop or coal mine.

So can England go all the way? France are the best team. They look the best and have the best team, but do look fragile if the opposition have the ball long enough to test their defence. The best teams don’t always win of course, as Italy proved in 1982 and maybe France may be the equivalent of Brazil in 1982. I actually think England’s biggest test is the Mexico game due to the conditions and if England get through that they have a great chance to get to the final.

In the meantime I’ll set my alarm for Monday morning. There’ll be ups and downs, maybe some controversy. I’ll wake up with some dread as I’m not sure what channel it’s on. I’m almost inclined not to look until I wake up. The prospect of Sam Matterface and Lee Dixon means I may listen to 5 Live where the excellent Jon Champion is likely to make the call. I also really like Stephen Warnock as a summariser as well, articulate and knowledgable and a good listen. Probably the best of the current crop.

So it may still be coming home. Or we will be. Ronaldo continues to defy age and logic, perhaps he’s able to pay his babysitter more than 20 quid.